Road Trip Destination: Insanity!
by Tio-Chan
Summary: Please R&R: And thus we take a little detour in getting there and stop at wal-mart...Yet another chapter loaded with pointless insanity. Does anyone remember where we were going in the first place?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any other brand name products mentioned in the fic.  
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Chapter 1: Road Trip!  
The phoner rang at the kaiba residence at about eight in the morning, all the while Seto had repeatedly ignored it, repeating the words through gritted teeth "Don't Answer the phone Seto, don't answer the phone for the love of God." He knew who was calling, of course these two weren't ones to give up so easily it had been stated when they had attempted to live as normal humans, which in turn resulted in more insanity that ever. Suddenly everything was silent, "My God they've finally stopped." He muttered to himself as he got out of bed wearing nothing but his boxers, wait what was that? Stones hitting the window. Reluctantly Seto walked over to the window and pushed it open. Oh how he wished he hadn't. There was somehow a tour bus parked in his front yard standing in front of it was Danielle, the red haired insanity Sprite, wearing the traditonal stuardess outfit complete with short skit, her hair french braided under a little hat. Heather stood there grinning sheepishly at she attempted to hide the handful of rocks she held and had been throwing at his window. "What do you want?!" He yelled down at the two inanity sprites who for the moment had taken on a more human form, or at least he though they had. Heather suddenly appeared in his bedroom dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans, an orange jean jacket ,and yellow shirt like the ones cowboys wore, along with a pair of white leather cowboy boots and matching hat (Yes everything they wear goes along with their colors if your wondering.) She attempted her best to sound country and he had to admit she would make a rather good replacement for Minnie Pearl. "HOWDIE Y' ALL!" She bellowed as she waved a hand in the air cheerfully as she ran up and grabbed him by the neck.  
"What are you doing here?" He asked the sprite who stepped back smiled and replyed "We're going on a raod trip and your coming."  
"Wait what do mean I'm coming don't I get a choice in the matter!?" He didn't have time to speak as he was transported onto the tour bus, along with Mokuba. "Well I guess those are the only guys we're gonna get from the Kaiba mansion." remarked Heather as she pushed poor Seto into a seat and sat down beside him. "Hold on a second there's someone else we know in there." Danielle said with this she snapped her fingers and Pegasus landed in a seat everyone looked puzzled. "What the H-e-l-l are you doing in Kaiba's house?!" asked Heather, Pegasus just stared dumbfoundedly at the pleather seat.   
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Bakura lay on the couch, surrounded by empty beer cans, the former tomb robber belched loudly and then shouted in a slurred voice "Slave bring me more beer!" Enter Ryou in blue jeans, a navy blue shirt with a lace lined white apron around him, a pencil tucked neatly behind one ear, a CD player in the apron pocket the headphones around his neck, and a beer can in his hand hastily handing it to his yami before running back into the kitchen saying "I need to hire a maid this place is a pigstye and he isn't even bothing to help all he does is lay on the couch watching Jerry Springger and getting drunk!" at this there came several inaudible curses from his Yami as he raised a middle finger in protest. Bakura shook his head plugged up the vaccum and turned on the headphones.  
"SPECIAL DILEVERY FOR RYOU BAKURA!" Came a familiar voice from outside the door followed by some very loud banging. (Get your mind out of the gutter people!) Ryou rushed over to open the door, Bakura fell off the couch and got up holding his head, "Heather!" Ryou seemed relived as he opened the door, only to see a large tour bus sitting outside the driveway, Danielle was sitting in the drivers seat which had a fuzzy purple seat cover on it, with Mokuba in her lap, the young Kaiba was sitting there blowing the horn, Kaiba sat in the seat up front and looked as though he would rather be anywhere else, Pegasus however was busy finding other ways to express himself. He was currently trying to fog up the windows to write the words 'Help me!' in caligraphy. "What are you doing this time?" Ryou asked the brown haired fire obcessed sprite who stood in his doorway dressed like a cowgirl. "We're going on a road trip and your coming!" said the sprite and Ryou and Bakura found themseleves on the bus in seperate seats, Bakura layig down in the back seat taking up the back two seat as he lay there with an excess suply of beer.  
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"Can we just zap the rest of them here?" asked Heather as she sat in the seat with Kaiba Danielle nodded and the others landed in a large pile near the emergancy exit. "What are we doing here?" Yami asked as he looked around, the first to pull himself out of the pile.   
"ROAD TRIP!" Proclaimed Mokuba still sitting in Danielle's lap smiling happily, Kaiba of course was now begining to relize that his brother somehow liked the red haired sprite. "Road trip? to where?" Yugi asked as he pulled himself out of the tangle of limbs. "Wherever the road may take us!" Said Heather trying to sound as mythical as possible, Danielle shook her head, "We're still trying to decide on where to go, should we travel the road less taken, To be or not to be, all that good stuff."   
"Well shouldn't we take a vote on it then?" Malik sounded quiet sure of himself as he spoke "Why not go to Vegas?"   
"Vegas? Why would you want to go there?" Tea asked once again looking clueless. (What's new?) At this the boys all jumped up striking muscular poses and said their reasons "We're gonna have ourselves a night of wine, women ,and song!" The proclaimed, Danielle, Heather, Seto, Pegasus, and Ryou all sighed. "I think they had a bit to much wine." Said Danielle taking the moment to make a refrence to her favorite video game. "I think they'll get everything but the women." Remarked Heather, "I think they need to see someone about these little outbursts" Said Pegasus, "I think they're all idiots." Said Seto with a sigh, "I think I need an extra strength bottle of asprin." Ryou said holding his head slightly.  
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With this the bus pulled out and headed off into the horizon. "Okay now we're off!" Heather pointed into the distance. "Are you going to sit in her lap the whole trip Mokuba?" Asked Yugi as he sat in the seat right behind the drivers seat. "Yes is there a problem?" Mokuba looked over to Yugi. "Not really I just think I'd have a better veiw up there with her." Yugi answered reciving an "oh brother.'' from Heather who sat behind him clinging to Seto who was slowly falling asleep. Pegasus stared out the window watching the yellow line blur into oblivion before he spoke. "I know this isn't a good time but, I have to use the little mens rooms." Seto snickered "Don't you mean boys room Pegasus?" At this Pegasus looked outraged and ready to grab Seto by the neck, "How dare you insult me like that." Malik frowned and his head hit the seat in front of him as he spoke "Come on you guy's can't you spend at least one day not fighting with each other?"At the their glares increased and they both yelled at Malik forcefully "NO NOW STAY OUT OF THIS!" Malik slowly backed into his seat. "Geez and I thought only girls could have PMS." He said quietly.  
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Heather: Yipee New story! Hey wait how come you get to drive.  
Danielle: Because you wanted to sit with Seto remember?  
Heather:Oh yeah, right. Anyways please read and reveiw, for the sake of your Sanity, we'll make sure to avoid driving reviewers crazy if possible. 


	2. Pit Stop!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the other brand name products mentioned in this fic.  
Author(Ess)Notes: Angel Reaper: just describe how you want to look and your on the tour, although picking you up might result in being run over.^_^; No Jareth didn't order the sprites to do this, this is a product of their boredom.  
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Chapter 2: Pit stops are hazardous to EVERYONE's Health  
The bus pulled into a nearby gas station, Heather being the first to step out the door holding a cattle prod and yelling while once again trying to imitate the souther twang texans have to suit her outfit. "Alright y'all I don't want any rough housin' or tryin' to escape ya' hear me? Don't make me use this here cattle prod on yun's." The group nodded in fear of her steaming pocker and proceded to go about their business and stretch their legs. Pegasus made a B-Line for the bathroom and Mokuba and Yugi ran strait to the snack bar.  
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Public bathrooms always seemed to be an extremly discusting to Pegasus, the people who owned the rest stop never seem to clean them, and there was always some threat or another written on the wall. Unfortunatly for him, he hadn't seen the one written in the stall he was in and it wasn't something very nice, and the date on it was that of this very day. Several loud stomps were heard as Pegasus finished doing his buiness and turned to leave he found himself face to face with one of the tallest, ugliest, and without a doubt stongest men he had ever seen. The man cracked his knuckles leisurely a wicked smirk crossed his face as he appraoched the white haired man who wimpered, backed up a bit and then found himself being grabbed by the throat by the other man, he did the only thing he could think of. "MOMMY!"  
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"Danielle did you hear something?" Yugi looked over to the red haired sprite who was currently stuffing as many twinkies and other cakes into a large shopping cart looked over to the shorter boy and shook her head. "Must just be my imagination then, How many diffrent kind of soft drinks do we need?"He asked. "Don't know let's take a survey," remarked the red head who somehow made a bullhorn appear and then called "Hey guy's what kind of soda so we need?" At this there were several calls.   
"Pepsi!"  
"Coke!"  
Moutain Dew!" and finally the slured call of both Bakura and Yami Malik, "BUDWISER!" Danielle shook her head and turned to Mokuba, "Could you do me a favor and get me another shopping cart?" Mokuba nodded and ran off as Danielle walked to the freezer section and piled in several crates of every diffrent soda in the store and a few bottled water for good measure.   
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Ryou pushed his own shopping cart down the ilse looking for the one thing he needed in this entire store more than anything, you see there was a severaly large problem with having an acohloic Yami, the Hikari always got the hangovers. Finally he came to what he disered the isle most would refere to as the pain reliver isle, he refered to it as Heaven, and so he began the quest of loading his shopping cart with every drug on the shelfs, including cough syrup and childrens Motrin. (Hey when you have a headache, or a hangover anything is better than nothing I should know I have more headaches than humanly possible.) "I think that should be enough to last me a while, now for the batteries." He said pushing his cart over the section that carried batteries.  
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Why did she insist on klinging to him? Yes that's right Heather was once again holding onto poor Seto's arm and gripping it so hard he thought at one point it was going to fall off. "Heather do you have to hold onto me like this?" He asked as he looked down at the brown haired sprite. "Not really but I want to anyways." She answered with a smile.   
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"Okay we've got, cakes, candy, soda, asprin, batteries, and beer." Danielle checked the off the list and placed the pencil behind her ear. "Now role call, Mokuba?"  
"Here!"  
"Yugi?"  
"Here!"  
"Seto?"  
"Here, reluctantly."  
"Yami?"  
"Present."  
"Always have to be diffrent don't you Yami? Joey?"  
"Yeah I'm here!"  
"Tristan?"  
"What?!"  
"Nothing. Tea?"  
"Over here."  
"Malik?"  
"I'm sitting right next to you."  
"It's all in the spirit of being a tour guide my dear."  
"Isis?"  
"Present."  
"Yami Malik."  
"Yeah *Hic* What do you want?"  
"Bakura?"  
"ugh*Hic*" (In case you can't tell he's so drunk he can't see strait, as well as speak.)  
"Ryou?"  
"Right here, can I go to sleep now?"  
"Yes you can go to sleep now Ryou dear, Heather."  
"Right here!"  
"Pegasus?" At this point a great silence fell over the bus "Pegasus?" There was still no answer. "Where's Pegasus?"  
"Maybe he's still in the Bahtroom." Sugessted Mokuba, "You can go check."At this Danielle turned a great shade of red and remarked "Sorry Mokuba hun but that's untouchable terratory, no woman has ever set foot in the men's bathroom."  
"Maybe he did us all a favor and flushed himself down the toilet." Smirked Seto. At the moment a large muscluar man (Also known as the man from the second Paragraph.) Walked out of then mens bathroom cracking his knuckles with a large smile on his face, Danielle figured that he was just a good a person to ask as any and walked off the bus and towards him, at this the population of the right side of the bus decreased to one (Yami Malik and Yami Bakira who are to drunk to pay attention.) "Excuse me have you seen a man with long white hair covering up the right side of his face dressed in Pink?" The man of course being the idiot he was and the type of jerk to hit on anything resembled a female and had breast to prove it saw Danielle as fresh meat and in a gruff "Manly voice" said "Yeah sure I seen him, he with you?" Danielle nodded causing several people on the bus to laugh at the fact that she had been stupid enought to confuse "Is he a travel buddy?" with "Is he with you?" (A.k.a the later meaning is he your boyfriend/husband/so on so fourth.) "Well hwo's about you ditch him and let me show you a good time." Danielle took a step back and then said "You touch me and I'll blast you into oblivion." To prove she would she made a fire ball appear in her hand and threw at the distant horizion, the man simply ran off and the door opened to reveal Pegasus trying to comb out wet hair. Danielle looked at him in astonishment "Pegasus what happened?"  
"I don't want to talk about it." was Pegasus's reply as he walked to the bus.  
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Danielle: You know I almost feel sorry for him.  
Heather: "Almost"!? Just go ahead and say it little miss gryffindor.  
Danielle: Okay, I do feel sorry for him, but I feel more sorry for Ryou because Pegasus's swirly is a one time only thing and Ryou's always on a hangover because of his Yami.  
Heather: That's why I don't want a millenuim item.  
Danielle: I do still because I'd like to have my own Yami, Maybe I can get Yugi to let me wear the Millenuim puzzle for a while.  
Heather: To much leather for me. Wait I need to come up with a way to get that thing on Kaiba! *Runs off*  
Danielle: *Sighs. Shakes her head.* I'm gonna go stop Heather from killing Yugi, for this time please read and reveiw! 


	3. Resturants

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the brand name products mentioned in this fic so please don't sue me.  
Author(ess) notes: Okay this week is the week of the Daniel Boone Festival where I live, a week most people look foreward to but I dispise, why? Because it means hours of walking around bored while my little sister keeps pointing out rides that I'm scared to death of because they go incredibly high and incredibly fast and I have a terrible fear of hights. Okay I'm done ranting thank you to those who have reveiwed so far.  
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Chapter 3: Resturants  
The bus once again pulled to a stop this time in front of a small bar Danielle looked outside and then pulled her head back in quickly. "No we are not eating there!" She said as she was just about to once again start up the bus, "We'll go to the nearest McDonalds, it goes against my principals to eat at a place that also sells live bait." At this several of the others nodded except for the still incredibly drunk Yami's that were now sitting breathing down poor Danielle's neck. "They sell live bait in there?" Yami Malik looked over to Bakura who had developed a slightly deranged, but still incredibly drunken grin, "Yes they sell live bait and no your not buying any." She said as she turned back to the drivers seat turned the ignition and started to back out. "How did she know?" Yami Malik looked from Bakura to Danielle suspisously before they both burst out in drunken laughter.  
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"I'm bored," Angel Reaper remarked to no one in perticular as she lay her head down on the counter. It was incredibly hard to belive that a girl with her magical ability was stuck working at the local McDonalds. "Bored,bore,bored,bored,bored." She sighed once more as she raised her head up and pushed a strand of her blue hair out of her face. "I wish something would happen." As if all of her prayers had been answered a large bus pulled up in front of the door, and none other than the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast walked out of the open doors, followed by two girls one dressed in an outfit similar to a cowgirls, with brown hair, the other now dressed in a light pink jacket with a plaid, pleated skirt and a pair of light grey tights and black boots, she had red hair which was in a neat pony tail resembling that of Terra's hairstyle from Final Fantasy 3/6j. The brown haired girl was pulling a rather reluctant Seto Kaiba through the glass doors and Mokuba was somehow riding on the girls back even though she looked like she could barely lift 40 pounds. "What the Hell's going on here?" Angel asked herself as she pushed the person at the register out of the way. The group walked up to the regiester where Angel was and she smiled plesantly and said "Hello welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?"   
"Don't you ever want to shot yourself for having to say that?" Yami asked with a pleasant little smirk on his face. "Not really, it keeps me from having to bum money off my parents." The pharoah nodded "Point taken."  
"Do you server beer here!?" Came two slurred shouts from the back of the group that she quickly distenguished as Yami Malik, and Bakura. "Nope sorry." The two looked at eachother smiled drunkenly and Bakura pointed back to the bus before saying "TO THE BAT CAVE!" and the two ran off towards the bus running into several things in the process. "Sorry about them, anyways I've written down what we need and here's the money for it I'm really sorry if this caused any problems but they might have resorted to cannibalism if we waited any longer." The red haired girl said as she handed her a list and motioned for all of them to follow her to the tables. "Hey wait just a second I have a question," Angel motioned for the girl to come over to her, "What are you doing with the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast and a tour bus." At this the brown haired girl and Mokuba smiled and yelled enthusaistically "ROAD TRIP!" Ryou moaned and put his head down on the table "Could you to please stop yelling I have a headache!" Angel shook her head slightly "Wait, your going on a road trip, can I come?" The girl simply laughed and nodded "Sure, by the way I'm Danielle and the other nut back there is Heather." as the girl walked away and the people working in the kitchen proceeded to bring everyones food to them Angel walked back to where no one could see her and then practically screamed "Whopie!road trip!"  
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Soon enough they had all finished eating and piled back on the bus now joined by Angel who had enthusiastically abandoned her McDonalds uniform for her normal clothing. "Okay so is everyone ready?" Danielle looked back at everyone now once again wearing her tour guide uniform her hair neatly french braided and everyone wondering how she got it like that because she was just suddenly wearing it. "Yes now let's go!" said several of them as Danielle sat down and turned the ignition and Mokuba following what he normal did hopped back into her lap.  
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Please read and reveiw because as of now I can't think of a cutesy little come back. Also I'm starting a little parody of the MTV series Fanatic with the YGO cast and if you want to interveiw a character from the series in it please tell me who,and give a setting for the interveiw, remember Male interveiws Female, and vise versa thanks. 


	4. Hotels and the three most dreaded words ...

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the other brand name things mentioned in this fic so please don't sue me.  
Author(ess) Notes: MidnightWarrior: sure, God I'm glad I'm not the only one who has to put up with a younger sister like that, she has to have it her way or it's no good, I barely tap her she yells at mom and I get yelled at, yet when she practically beats the sh*t out of me and I tell mom the only thing she get's is a "Don't do it again."  
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Chapter 4:The Hotel and the three most dreaded words in road trip histroy...  
About halfway there as of today. Seto let his head hit the window as the still incredibly drunk Yami Malik had decided to take the seat beside him "Hey there Kaiba old Buddy!" He proclaimed his breath reeking of alchool as he spoke "What do you say we..." Seto stuck his hand up in the egyptian Yami's face "Please don't talk to me I have headache and the smell of stale beer is making it worse." Yami Malik for a moment looked hurt, of course it was a look that even the hordes of rabod fangilrs couldn't feel sorry for. "We've got a fresh Keg in the back if they'll help any." he cracked up laughing.   
"Pegasus you're being rather quiet." Tea looked over to the grey haired man who was sitting staring out the window apparently finding something intresting about the blurred yellow lines of the highway. "Shhh, The little people who live in the glass are talking to me!" At this Tea felt the need to slowly get up and run to the back of the bus. Joey sat down next to Heather who had moved into the seat in front of Kaiba and grinned sheepishly. After a few minutes he tapped her on the shoulder, which lead to one of the conversations that has driven many a person insane.  
"Are we there yet?"  
"No."  
"How bout now?"  
"No."  
How bout now?"  
After this there was a brief pause before he one again tapped on her shoulder "Are we there yet?" At this the brown haired insanity sprite became outraged at the blonde duelist and practically kicked him out of the seat, "NO WE ARE NOT THERE YET I WILL TELL YOU WHEN WE GET THERE SO JUST BUZZ OFF!"  
Angel was currently sitting next to Yugi who currently having a staring contest with the back of the drivers seat. "Okay, what's wrong with him?" She asked as she looked back to Yami who was sitting in the seat behind them. "It's called Boredom my dear Angel Reaper, we forgot to bring anything resembling a board game or entertaining." This resulted in a moan from Ryou who sat in the seat over from them, dressed in his traditonal cream colored sweater holding an ice pack to his head. "We don't need anything like that here, it'd just make my headache worse." He moaned and closed his eye's "Remind me to kill Yami when I get home."   
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"99 Bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer..." The slured voice of Bakura came from the back of the bus followed by Yami Malik, Joey, and Tristan "Take one down pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall!" Malik groaned as he sat down next to Ryou and grabbed a bottle of Asprin and poured it into his mouth along with a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew. "Somebody shut them up I have a headache!" Thye both moaned in Unison. "You guys aren't the only ones." Groaned Danielle from the drivers seat, "Heather you want to drive for a while?" She looked through the rearveiw mirror to see the brown haired girls face light up "Sure!" They pulled over and switched Danielle sitting down in a seat across from Ryou and Malik, Mokuba sitting next to her pulled out a pillow and lay her head down on it closing her eyes.   
"How qaint, How about we stop at the next hotel Heather?" Angel looked up at the new driver who nodded and supressed a yawn. "Sure that way I won't fall asleep behind the wheel."  
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The bus hit another Bump as the flashing of the street lights as they passed caused Ryou to flinch and open his eyes, Heather sat at the wheel of the bus trying her best to stay awake while driving, Malik lay half in the seat, half in the isle next to Him, Danielle sat up sleeping Mokuba's head laying in her lap he also slept, Tea and Serenity lay in the seats next to each other asleep as the bus came to a stop and Heather stood up "Okay everyone get up I've finally found a Hotel so grab your stuff and let's go." She said as she walked off the bus, everyone got up and followed groaning sleepily.  
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They checked into the Hotel and agreed on who they would share rooms with it went like this: Room 1: Tea, Serenity, Isis; Room 2: Heather, Seto, Malik; Room 3: Yami Malik, Bakura, Joey, Tristan (They only agreed to go four to a room because they were totally drunk.) Room 4: Mokuba, Ryou, Danielle; Room 5: Yami, Yugi, Angel Reaper; Room 6: Pegasus. Th last one spurred a lot of rude remarks which shut up when Danielle pointed out that Pegasus had paid for his own room. And so began their night in the Hotel.  
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Ryou, Danielle, and Mokuba all walked into the bedroom they would be sharing, Danielle flopped down on the bed and fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow her clothes also changing from the tour guides outfit to a pair of black P.J.'s with a Silver Pentagram on the pocket. Ryou and Mokuba went and also changed into their Pajamas. Mokuba lay down on his bed and began to stare up at the ceiling. "What are you doing Mokuba?" Ryou asked as he looked over at him, for once without a headache. "Couting the ceiling tiles, It helps me get to sleep in places I've never been before." Ryou shook his head and turned around his little change of heart Plushie next to him. "Hey Mokuba?"   
"What?"  
"What do you think about Danielle? Would you think it weird if I said I think I'd like her as more than just a friend?" Mokuba stared up at the ceiling in wide eyed shock, What?! How could Ryou lik her too? Compition was not a good thing expecially if the compition was someone the object of affection liked! 'This means war!' Mokuba thought.  
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Heather lay in her bed they had all change clothes and went to bed but she of course couldn't sleep so was doing the age old traditonal cure for insomnia counting sheep. It was really amazing how the sheep seemed to change into Seto with each one, first they had his head then his arms, soon enough they developed blue tranch coats and then became the mental image of Kaiba jumping a picket fence repeatedly. Malik was sleeping soundly and Heather of course was also sound asleep a huge smile on her face,Poor Seto however was having problems, he lay on his bed his eye's wide open. "Stupid coffee why'd I have to have a cup before I went to bed?" He asked himself feeling rather stupid as he cluted his pillow in his arms and tried to count the ceiling tiles it always seemed to help a little when he had to go to sleep.  
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"You tired?" Yugi looked over at Angel Reaper with half closed eyes she looked about the same except she was holding a pillow "No how bout you?"   
"No?" Yugi answered.  
"Wanna watch TV?" She pointed to the TV set which sat in the corner of their room. "I guess just don't get it loud or we'll wake up Yami." He pointed out the sleeping former Pharoah who lay spradled out over his bed dressed in his Navy blue Pajamas the sheets practically off the bed.  
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"Pass me another can." Ordered Bakura as he smashed a beer can on his forehead and held out his hand, grabbing the can from Yami Malik and practically guzzling it down before smashing it on his head. Joey and Tristan were in front of the TV, it turned out that this hotle actually had it's own collection of Hentai films and they had managed to smuggle some out, they were definatly going to need a cold shower after this.   
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Okay I know that last part was a little "Ify" don't ask I've had a weird day at school. 


	5. How to get kicked out of the Holiday Inn

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! so please don't sue me. I do however own Danielle, Heather,and Angel Reaper owns herself, so don't sue me for her either.  
____________________________________________________________________Chapter 5: How to get kicked out of the Holiday Inn in five easy steps!  
Morning arrived and the group decided that as Bakura put it "Hey this is a road trip there's no deadline so we can take as long as we want." Of course he also added a bit of profanity to it but that's about what he said. Joey and Tristan were however still glued to the videotapes they had found last night. While the boys headed off to the bar with the exception of Ryou, Yugi, and Mokuba who had all agreed their one experince with acohol was enough to last a lifetime along with Ryou's permanent Hang over. The girl however dicovered that there was a hot tub in the hotel and grabbed their towels and bathing suits and were making their way over in the opposite direction of the boys.  
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"Okay it's a girls night out!" Heather proclaimed as they entered the part of the Hotel labled 'Spa' "I'm paying for everyone except Serenity!" the burnette shot her an odd glance "Why?"   
"Because I don't like you!" Said Heather in a sing songy voice. Serenity looked at the girl in a type of strange eyed shock as they continued on to the Spa.  
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Bakura always seemed to be little off the hinges whenever he was drunk, but if Seto remember properly, he was always drunk. Tonight he sat on the bar stool stareing at the Bar tender who was trying his best to ignore the crazed tomb robbers gaze. Slowly the white haired spirit got up closer to the bartenders face and looked in wide eyed shock as he spoke "Your one of them aren't you?" This caused Yami Malik and Yami who were both so drunk they should have been thrown out of the bar and declared legally insane 10 minutes ago to burst out laughing, Yami Malik spewing the drink he had in his mouth out onto the counter and falling off the barstool. The bartender, a young man with shoulder length light pink hair and red eyes, looked over to Kaiba putting a hand over his mouth to stop the idiots from hearing him and spoke. "These morons with you." Seto looked at him, then to the three insane spirits, "Who me? No, never seen them before in my life."   
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Danielle slowly eased into the hot water and let out a sigh, as she went under. "This is nice, we should just stay here for a while." Tea remarked looking relaxed as well. "Yeah and then all we need is some sake and we can react Tenchi Muyo." Heather said with a smile. Danielle frowned as she looked over to the brown haired sprite. "How about we forget about stuff that gets you drunk because I have a feeling we'll be listening to the Yami's rendition of 99 bottles of beer on the wall again." They all cringed at this. "Umm, has anyone noticed what just happens to be looking at us through the window?" Angel pointed over to two figures attempting to hide behind the bushes outside, Joey and Tristan. "Should we kill them now?" Angel asked as she looked over to Danielle, Heather, and Tea, Tea and Heather wearing the same look, Danielle look strangely calm. "Kill them later, I have a feeling they've gotten a hold of some stuff that's poisioned their already insane minds." Danielle remarked "Just ignore them, they'll go away eventually."  
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Mokuba and Yugi exchanged frightened looks as the movie that had been left on in the room Joey and tristan had been in that night. In something that was strait out of the south park movie Mokuba spoke "This movie has corupted my poor fragile little mind!"  
Ryou lay in front of the fan in the room (Why else did you think they were in there it's the only room with air conditioning!) sleeping sliently, he had taken about three full bottles of Niquil and wasn't going be up any time soon, on the bright side, he didn't have a headache anymore.  
________________________________________________________________  
*Ayane, Danielle, and Heather stand in front of a large white sement block.*  
Danielle:*In stunned tone* What is this!?  
Ayane: This my friend is writers block.  
Heather: Is this gonna be a repeat of the plot hole?  
Ayane: I'm afraid so, Heather. Go get Yami Malik, Bakura, three cans of hairspray and a match.  
Heather: Why?  
Ayane: Because you three are gonna get to have some fun.  
Heather: You mean your letting me play with fire? WHOOPIE! 


	6. The path to Hells Kitchen is pathed with...

Disclaimer - I don't own any of the characters I'm currently tormenting...errr....borrowing. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. They will be returned worse for wear, glomped beyond recognition, and more than likely traumatized for life.   
  
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The Road to Hell's Kitchen is Paved with Road Ragers  
  
The group tromped out of the hotel, Heather is lugging a huge suitcase filled with cash and grumbling about inks and dyes. Mokuba is twirling around happily, they all stop when they reach the bus which has changed itself into a giant RV. Yami Malik smirked to his other half "I call drivers seat."  
  
~~Hours Later On The Road~~  
  
The RV is seen speeding down a winding road at nearly 90 MPH and Yami Malik is glaring at anything that gets in his way. Cutting people off and throwning Pez wrappers out the window. Malik is pressed against the far door watching his Yami nervously. Everyone else is in back not daring to move lest they throw off the crazed spirits aerodynamis and slow them down a mile. Mokuba whined as he sat on one of the beds in the RV "I hafta go to the bathroom...."  
  
Seto could not feel any compassion for his younger brother in this situation. He looked to the younger Kaiba a look of almost frustration on his face "Hold it...for the love of GOD just hold it!"  
  
Bakura was curled up in a ball on the floor clutching a teddy bear to his chest as his crazed partner in crime continued his road rage. "what if he screams at us again......" Daniell was still angry of her previous game of scrabble with Yami and seemed in deep though "I KNOW those were not words......"  
  
Yami himself frowned and looked to Heather "So you think you can just make him go slower Heather?" Heather however was hiding under a blanket not daring to stick her head out "He scares me......" She said from her hiding place. "I HAVE TO PEE!" Mokuba proclaimed again. Ryou however had found that not having a hang over had left him a state of total nirvana, he sat in a medatitive pose on top of the RVs 'kitchen' table. "The repression of bodily functions might cause irrepairable harm to oneself." Danielle couldn't help but whap the white haired hikari in the side of the head for suggesting that they even think of moving and incuring the Yami's wrath "Screw that! Do you KNOW what he'll do to us!?" Pegasus looked fearful "He'll scream at us again." Bakura still lay in his fetal position on the floor grasping the teedy bear for dear life "He called me a "momma's boy"....." Yami snickered at this. ".......You are......."  
  
He replied smuggly. Angel reaper was the only one who seemed to be paying any attention to Mokuba's...urm...bladder crisis as she handed him a bottle "Use this...." Mokuba finally got feed up holding a fist in the air. "I'm NOT going in that just so that nutcase can break the land-speed record...." Heather attempted to hush the one she normally got along with still under the blanket. "shhh...he'll hear you...." Mokuba stood up and began screaming " I DON'T CARE! I HAVE TO-------"   
  
The RV came to a screaming halt that lasted for several moments, the group is thrown around at random all screaming the door seperating the cab from the living area bursts open. Thunder crackled in the distances as a huge silouette appears in the frame holding two massive swords. Pegasus found himself screaming from his position which happened to be upside down in the sink. "IT'S THE DEVIL!" The rest of the group answered this with a group "AHHHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Yami Malik had never looked so evil "WHO IN THE *^&^&%^&%%^^& MOVED!?" Seto slowly began the process of peeling himself off the wall. "Uhhhhhh.......that would be a tough question to answer...." Malik appeared from the drivers cab a worried look on his face as if something had scared him. "Uhhh Yami.....you know that cow we creamed about fifty miles back...." He began only to recive a whack in the face from his other half. "SILENCE!" Mokuba looked truly pathetic as he looked up at the older teen with sad puppy dog eyes "I have to pee......." Most would have melted...or at least been sympathetic but not Yami Malik...especially in road rage mode "YOU STOPPED ME ^%%@(^@ DEAD IN THE &%#&^%&%#^% ROAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO *^$#(&^)( PEE?!" Mokuba adjusted "Really really bad...." Malik was still trying to get his counterparts attention "Yami...man.......that cow........." Heather fell from the ceiling, getting up and dusting off "You know, ONE bathroom break seven hours ago isn't going to cut it.........errrr......sir?" She said the last part showing that she seriously regreted saying anything. She looked up. Yami Malik looked dowen. Heather then relized how tenuous her thread of life was at the moment...she prudently stepped back. "....I mean.........gee...How absolutely GIVING and SWEET of you to let us use the restrooms facilities just that short time ago. I mean, GOSH! How many other people would stop that many times?" By this time Mokuba was jumping on one foot "....pppppllllleeeeaaassseeeeeee?" Malik was still trying to point out the new threat of the roadkill cow "that cow man.........uhhh....it brought friends......" Yami Malik could only glare at the younger Kaiba "FINE! BATHROOM BREAK!" This ensued cheers from everyone. "YEAH!!!!"   
  
Yami Malik stomped back into the cab an angry look on his face as he turned to his counter part "What?!" He looked confused as his light pointed outside. "....the...Hell?" His eyes widened at the current almost humanly impossible situation. The RV is now surrounded by a herd of angry cattle, the leader of which is the same cow Yami Malik had mowed over some miles ago, it proceeded to wave a crutch at him "KILL THE HUMANS! EAT THE MEAT! KILL THE HUMANS!! EAT THE MEAT!!" Yami Maliks grip on the steering wheel tightened "&%*&^%*^ COWS!"  
  
-----CONTENT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR COW LOVERS----  
  
The RV revs up, which suddenly surged forward, running over cows left and right. The leader is ramped, the RV went flying, but Yami Malik wasn't done yet, he wheeled back, he came in for another pass laughing like a madman. Cows and cow parts go flying in all directions. The group in the living area were screaming, but Pegasus is screaming more...he's trapped in the bathroom.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOBODY CAN '''FLUSH" THIS DAMNED THING! AHHHHHHHH!"  
  
The RV went flying through the air, turning in circles and spiraling down with a bulky grace of an elephant with sparrow wings.   
  
Angel Reaper grasped onto Yugi for dear life "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Heather looked flustered "AND I"M STILL A VIRGIN!!!!" Mokuba looked weirdly at the teen. ".....the Hell?" Bakura ducked "HEADS UP!" He yelled as a cow came flying through the side of the RV weilding a chainsaw. "AHHHHH!" Yami looked proud of himself as he raised a sword "Fear not! For I have the Almighty Dragonbuster!" This of course resulted in the cow spitting on the flame of the sword which went out. Yami looked at the sword. "SH!T" The cow then kicked Yami in the knee and started chewing on his hair. Danielle pulled out her 'weapon'which actually resembled more of a vaccum cleaner "AHA! Foul beast! BEHOLD! The DUSTBUSTER of HORRID NASTY DEATH!" Bakura and Heather could only say one thing at the same time "SH!T" Danielle turned on the dustbust with an evil laugh "AHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA!" Cow screamed as it found itself sucked into the dustbuster "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"  
  
Yami Malik was still running down any stray cows, still laughing manically. Malik is curled up in a corner crying. When suddenly Seto burst into the cab "LOOK OUT FOR THAT CLIFF!" Yami Malik only looked devious "Do not bother me with such petty things. I'm busy!" Just as he says this the RV goes flying, there was no more road to rage on, all the group is scraming now. Pegasus of course was still trapped in the bathroom "WHY CAN'T YOU &%^$*^(%&% PEOPLE FLUSH!!!!!" As the RV goes plummeting off the cliff, unknown to them, a mysterious figure known only as the DEVIL CLOWN is watching, waiting.  
  
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Heather: Devil clown? I've said it before, I'll say it again Tio-Chan is on Acid. I swear it.  
  
Danielle: It would seem that out authoress has gone insane at the moment. Urg.  
  
Bakura: I'll say, letting Malik drive? It's hell on wheels.  
  
Seto: My brother had bladder problems that's never a good thing.  
  
Pegasus:...I'm stuck in the bathroom and Cows are attacking the RV? I agree with you Heather she's on acid.   
  
Heather: Yeah might as well just get it over with before she makes her apperance...Please read and review. 


	7. This chapter is not for cow lovers

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! So please don't sue me.  
  
Authoress Notes: Hope you don't mind that your gaurding Yami Malik Angel, your not really missing much anyways..   
  
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We Join our unfortunate friends One hour later. With the Pine Scent air freshner hanging happily from the completely useless rearview mirror, Yami Malik is driving down the highway at a half-way sane speed because getting pulled over would just slow him down even more. Angel Reaper is sitting in the passenger seat, holding a map and fiddling with the radio. Malik has been booted back with the others because of a ill-advised restroom break at a rest stop for Hell's Angels. Pegasus looked to the bleach blonde egyptian whom was looking slightly pitiful. "You know......the swelling will go down faster if you'd put ice on it...." Malik however wasn't listening to him. He was curled up in the corner twitching. "Never........reproduce.......ever......." Bakura who was sitting playing Uno with Yami, Seto, Ryou, and Danielle looked over to the bleach blonde and snickered slightly "It's your own fault. Danielle seemed blissfully unaware that she would jog some memories when she spoke as she layed down a card. "Yeah.....I bet those steel-toed boots made it hurt even......" Malik only twitched more "EEEEEEEHAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" Seto snickered slightly "I bet you wish NOW that you knocked before barging into a bathroom stall. Draw four Fly-Boy." He looked to Bakura who frowned "Damnit!" Mokuba sat in one of the chairs next to them frowning as his legs swung back and forth "Are we there yet?" He asked, Ryou looked to him. "^$%$&%^$&$%&^(*^ already asked that!"   
  
"It's my job to be annoying." He said before leaping up from his seat "I KNOW! Let's dance!" They all glared at the younger boy. "NO!"   
  
Heather spun around three times snapping her fingers folding out a cassette player. "YEAH! The Hampster Dance!"   
  
"Whoo-hoo!" Both started bouncing around in tune with the music.   
  
Meanwile up in front, Angel Reaper looked back in annoyance, the happy music flittering into the cab caused Yami Maliks eye to twitch involuntarily. The unholy happiness of the Hampster Dance is slowly chipping away at his defenses. Mokuba seemed happy as he danced around singing along with the music "Da da da da da da da da da da da da da, come on everybody clap your hands, come one everybody it's the Hampster Dance......da da da da...." Ryou looked to the rest of them "This is *%&*(% scary...." Danielle let her jaw drop open in amazement, failing to notice that Yami, Seto, and Bakura are cheating to their hearts content at Uno as she stared at her crazed counterpart and the younger Kaiba a horrified expression on her face "This is possibly the most..........grotesque performance I have ever had the misfortune of watching in my entire lifetime...." Pegasus frowned at her looking slightly puzzled slightly amused ".....you just watched a biker kick Malik in the crotch in a restroom stall and do a skit of "Swan Lake" over his twitching body....." Danielle looked to the grey haired man frowning still "I'm a fan of the arts......he executed that leap very well..." Malik twitched at this. ".....don't remind me......" Bakura smirked "I got pictures.....mehehehehe"   
  
"You little BASTARD!" He yelled before lunging at Bakura, only to fall to the floor in a twitching heap as Heather and Mokuba danced over him. Yami smirked "THOSE will make excellent Christmas cards..." He said high fiving Bakura and stealing Dnaielle's wild card.   
  
Up in front Yami Malik is twitching spamotically in time with the music, as Angel eyed him oddly. Of course by this time Yugi had joined in and was singing as well "da da da da da da da" Mokuba jumped up and down as the music finished "PLAY IT AGAIN!" Both he and Yugi said. "YEAH!" Heather proceeded to rewind the tape before Yami Malik yelled back "IF YOU PLAY THAT %($%($^%(%$(%$ SONG AGAIN I'M COMING BACK THERE TO KICK YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!!!" At this there was a long frigtening silence as Angel looked to him oddly. He relaxed quiet a bit after that. Angel Reaper returned to the map slightl relieved that Yugi hadn't gotten hurt. The the little spikey haired genius figured something out...something bad out "HEY! Episode 2 Attack of the Clones comes out on DVD next Tuesday!" Mokuba jumped up looking excited "STAR WARS ROCKS! So if he kicks us into next Tuesday, the movie will already be out!" He said excited, Seto and Danielle exchanged worried glances. "We're so smart!" Danielle frowned as she layed down another card "Out of respect for the male gender, I will not comment. Draw four Spike-Head." she said jesturing to Yami. Yami looked around as he drew four cards from the deck "Damnit! Hey, and where's Tea?"   
  
That question was answered inside the luggage compartment...how she got there...only god, a certain brown haired insanity sprite knows. "HEY! Let me out! Ewwwwww....Joey packed his dirty cloths....and Bakura's leftover squirrel...." She looked disgusted at the creature which the insane tomb robber had mutilated sometime back.   
  
Pegasus frowned in thought at this "Who knows. And how is Danielle still winning if all of you are cheating?" Ryou crossed his arms frowning, He had developed the mouth of one of the worlds finest drunken sailors in the time he had lived with all his yami's hangovers. "*^%*^%^&%^$%*#&^%*^%$ cheaters (*%$^%$^%$^%*^%$&^%$ hands cut off back home ^&$^$^(*^$&^$*^$ don't cheat no more ^&$^($&^(^$(&^$($^." Heather looked to the white haired normally soft spoke teen with a frown on her face "You're going on a swear diet before we get to CandyLand." Bakura nodded "I'm a Thief. But despite that I'm not allowed to cheat, drink, swear or use my devastating good looks to my advantage." Seto looked to him slightly frowning "........So last Friday at Lucky's Tavern never happened." Bakura shook his head. "Nope." Yami glared at the tomb robber "Liar." Danielle looked around the table eyes focused on her slowly decreaing hand as she lay down another card "He never said he could not lie. Draw four thief-Boy." Malik looked around at everyone elses hands ".....she's good." Seto nodded "Indeed." Heather frowned looking at the others "Where's Lucky's Tavern and how did you get the money to go there?" Seto looked to Heather a slight smirk on his face "Who's Ken and why does he keep calling the house?" Heather turned bright red "......errrrrrrr MOKUBA! Play the song!" This resulted in a rather loud warning from Yami Malik from the front cab. "I'M WARNING YOU!" Angel's eyes widened as the blonde Yami let his eyes trail off the road "Watch the road! LOOK OUT FOR THAT COW!" The RV went over a large...urm...bump, in the road. Yami Malik only continued to drive "It was just standing there! What was I supposed to do?! Somebody's got to keep the vultures fed...." Angel looked a little pale " .....I'm going to be ill...."   
  
"*%^$%(^%$(^&%#*^%U^&#*%#^%# cow....." Danielle looked to her white haired friend A frown on her pale face "She's right about the swear diet....."   
  
"*^$&($&^(^^#@(*#^ sprite......" was his answer. "All in favor of Miranda going on a swear diet?" Heather looked around as everyone raised their hands "Aye!"   
  
Meanwhile back in the Cab Yami Malik glared at the road. "DAMNED COWS!! MOVE ALREADY! MOVE!!!!!" There was a series of loud thumps as he ran over all the cows before Angel jumped the blonde Yami ".....GIMME THE WHEEL BEFORE WE ALL DIE!!" There were only more THUMPS as Malik curled into a ball once again looking pained "Stop...hitting......bumps....." Pegasus frowned "Are we just driving THROUGH the pasture or what here?!" The blonde only glared at the blue haired girl "Oh yeah! YOU'VE GOT ALOT TO SAY ABOUT DEATH LITTLE MISS BLACK MONSTER!!!" Angel could only reply with one thing "JERK!" She said before smacking him supside the head." Meanwhile in the other half of the RV Heather looked to Ryou "'kay. From this moment onward Ryou, you are on a swear diet!" 


	8. Five fellonies in a rowwow

We left off in the last sorry excuse for a chapter just as Ryou un- willingly entered a swear diet and Yami Malik indulged in his passion for the wholesale slaughter of the bovine species. As usual, the characters are being flung about in the back of the RV with little or no concern for their safety or well-being. Malik screamed as he felt something, or someone touching him "Ghaaa! Bakura get your foot outta my eye!"   
  
Danielle glared from her position upside down at a neck snapping position against the nearby wall. "For the love of God that better NOT be somebody's hand....!" Ryou frowned. Due to his lose in ability to spew out mass explicatives, and no longer having the knowledge to string a coherent sentence together without aid of these said obsenities, Ryou held up a handy sign which read "MORONS!" Seto felt like screamind and he did so "STOP THE MADDNESS!" Mokuba called out again stressing his plight. "I want SWEET TARTS!"   
  
Of course all good things come to an end, thus the RV veered back onto the road leaving the twisted remains of a herd of cows behind it. Meanwhile Yami Malik cackled manically as Angel Reaper continued to thawp him with the road map she had pulled out of the glove compartment.  
  
Heather once again extracted herself from the ceiling, falling to the floor. However it was not Heather who went Ouch. It was the floor. Pegasus sweatdropped at this. "......the Hell...." The Brown haired insanity sprite dusted herself off examining the tear in her favorite shirt. Which of course read "I smile because you've finally driven me insane"   
  
"Sorry, random Magic. Forgot to put the "safety" on." Seto frowned as he pulled his foot out of Maliks eye. "Why can you not just use this "Magic" to produce Mokuba's sugar tablets and therefore stop this insanity?" Danielle frowned at Seto dusting herself off and attempting to make her hair go down to normal level. "They're called Sweet Tarts Seto......." She corrected as Heather explained. Even though she could have herself she just didn't feel like it. "cause. If every sprite went around snapping their fingers and making Sweet Tarts appear, we'd ALL be like Mokuba..." The black haired Kaiba looked offended at this. "HEY!" Heather frowned towards the black haired teen "Sorry."   
  
".....I meant in general......" Seto said with a frown.   
  
"Then there would be no point to the fic..." Malik looked puzzled. Ryou cocked an eyebrown to the side. "It has a point?"  
  
Bakura looked stunned at his sailor mouthed Hikari "Dear Ra, that was the first sentence he's spoken that did not contain a swear word." Ryou glared at his other half, "Shut up Thief-Boy. Where's Yugi?"  
  
Suddent the Bathroom door starts to rattle violenty as much swearing was heard within. Pegasus frowned "Kid's got a thing for the comode, doesn't he....?" Danielle glared at her roomate "YOU'RE one to talk Mister Forty Minutes Every Morning." She remarked crossing her arms. Heather walked to the door trying to play the voice of reason in this totally senseless trip. "Okay, Malik, Bakura, you go take over for Yami Malik and Angel Reaper, Pegsy, Daielle, help me with this door." Malik and Bakura exchanged glances before looking slightly terrified. " ..............no...." Pegasus and Danielle did the same before crossing their arms and shaking their heads in unison "........Not a chance...."  
  
Meanwhile Mokuba opened the fridge and started to guzzle Heathers Mountain Dew. "Ummmm...sugary goodness..." Heather raised a hand in protest "....HEY! UNHAND THE HOLY BEVERAGE!" Everyone else simply sweatdropped. "......." Before Yugi once again proceeded to bang on the bathroom door. "....SOMEBODY GET ME *%&^%&^ OUTTA HERE!"   
  
Meawhile in the luggage compartment Tea was getting desprate " Soooooo hungry........" She began eyeing the squirell before twitching slightly "Must....not...give...in..."  
  
Back in the RV Mokuba raised a hand to Heather in protest "But I'm a Member of the Holy Church of Mountain Dew!" Heather looked skeptical. "Who are your gods then!?  
  
Mokuba bowed Reverently "The Almighty Uga Uga and Chimichanga, the Great Ones of Mountain Dew." Malik shook his head "......this is...odd...." Ryou was scribbbling this down frantically on a notepad. "Shhhh, I'm documenting! The possible emergence of a new religion...." Danielle smacked her white haired friend upside the head, noticing the swings in personality he kept having. "Idiot!" Heather contiued "What do they stand for!?" Mokuba twirled happily "Sugar and caffine!" Heather hugged the Kaiba happily "Brother! Thou are no Coke-Slurper!" Bakura shook his head "..........Weirdos..."  
  
Heather ad Mokuba contiued to dace the chicken Dance.  
  
Yugi pounded on the door to the bathroom.   
  
"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!"  
  
Meanwhile up in front, Angel Reaper was...facing a crisis of her own. However when she was up front with Yami Malik, her crisis was EVERYBODYS crisis. "STOP THE RV!" She said Whacking Yami Malik over the head a few more times. The blonde Yami only gripped the wheels, his knuckles already white his eyes seemed to be glowing a furious red. "I'll do not such thing! I HATE cows......Mehehehehe...." Angel smacked him upside the head once again. "IDIOT! There's a cop behind us!" Yami Malik's eyes suddenly dimmed as he heard the sirens "$h!t!" Behind the RV is a police car with its lights flashing as Heather ran into the cab looking a tad bit frantic. " What the fong!?" At this point Yami Malik attempted to shove the unsuspecting Insanity sprite into the drivers seat "Take over!" However the problem was Heather shoved back. "I don't have the license for an RV! I'm doing good to drive a CAR!" She retorted. Angel snickered slightly "I wouldn't call that driving......" Heather turned back to the cab where everyone looked at the situation, rather...oddly "Emergency stations people! Code Red!" Everyone then fell into the emergency seats that poped up from the floor. Tea appeared sitting in one of them, looking dazed with a squirell tail clutched in one hand. IN a matter of seconds the RV is transofrmed to that of..noraml...RV. Angel burried her face in the map and began to pray as the cop walked up to the drivers window. Where of course Yami Malik glared at him. "Sir...I have no idea how to procede with this..but you just mowed down that entire herd of cows...." Yami Malik only snickered at this looking slightly demonic "What was your first clue?" Angel jabbed him in the ribs, and Yami Malik did his best to look clueless, and innocent, a far stretch for the blonde Yami, therefore he just wound up looking mentally unstable. "....I mean....I did?" He said faking a smile. The police officer only scratched his head looking at him oddly and trying to think of a reason why he would run over cows...and well...not know he ran over...cows.. Finally it came to him. "Have you been drinking?" Yami Malik glared at the police officer a snarl in his voice "What business of it is yours.......I mean...No." He tried to look innocent on the last part. THe police man from Hell spoke again "May I see your drivers license and registration please?" Yami Malik looked around, his hands still on the wheel, and did an expression of when a frown and a glare are used together along with a look of complete cluelessness. You had to have a license? ".....No." Heather snapped her fingers and shoved the aformentions requirments into the blonde yami's hands. He frowned hopping to cause some trouble "...I guess.." The police man looked to Angel "Is this your wife?" Angel snickered at the thought before speaking "Only in his dreams...."  
  
Yami Malik glared "You wish..." Thus insued a wonderful name calling contest "JERK!"  
  
"WITCH!"  
  
"MALE PIG!"  
  
"SHREW!" Danielle frowned at the two as she stuck her head in to break up the fight and chuckled nervously at the stunned police officer "Married 15 years, can't you tell they love each other?" Yami Malik shoved his hand in Danielle face and shoved her out of the way. "Silence brat...." The police man wore an expression between amusement and disgust as he spoke "...You were driving like that with your wife and daughter in the vehicle?" Danielle sweatdropped, Angel was doing the same and Yami Malik only glared at the red head as he spoke "MY WHAT!? I don't know WHO spawned that brat!" At this point looking for one more reason to publicly humiliate one of the ishtars Bakura popped up beside Danielle who was still looking dumbstruck "He drives like a nutcase because of repressed memories involving a horse-cart, a cow and a fruit stand from his youth....." Yami Malik grabbed Bakura by the collar and drug him face-to-face with himself "Who told you about that....?" The Police officer was by this time looking through what came to be labeled the 'Big Book o' Felonies' before speaking "Listen, that was just about three felonies you committed back there, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside....." he said promptly, Yami Malik thought a minute...why should an all powerful Yami such as himself bow down to this lowely mortal officer? He snickered as he lunged halfway out the window grabbed the cop by the collar of his shirt and drug him into the RV. Bakura snickered slightly pleased with chaos he's helped cause "Oh my...this cannot be good..." He said slightly sarcastically. He knew it wasn't good...   
  
The poor police officer was screaming as Yami Malik drug him back to the others. Ryou looked slightly puzzled as two words came from his mouth. "....hell..." Angel Reaper gave to order. "Tie him up!" And thus we can now proudly add four major felonies to the list as the Yu-Gi-Oh! Gang tied the cop to a handy couch. Yami Malik and Angel Reaper ran back to cab, gunning the engine, fleeing the scene.   
  
Everyone stared at their unfortunate prisoner. Seto put a hand on his chin "So what's this....about twenty years?" Danielle shook her head as she corrected the brown haired KaibaCorp CEO "Naw, fifty....maximum security. With a cell-mate named Fluffy." Malik twitched slightly at the thougtht "Fantastic. Probably a Hells Angel named RoadBurn too....." Yugi took this time to remind everyone that he was STILL stuck in the bathroom. "What's going on!? Somebody let me out!"   
  
The police officer glared at them and spoke ".......You'll all fry for this, you hear! Sparky's waiting for you!" Bakura frowned slight before pointing out something " Problem three of us are already Dead and two of us can't die." Danielle and Heather raised their hands at the last part. Thus resulting in a loud "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Before passing out. Mokuba chuckled slightly "Can we keep him?" Heather agreed with a lught "Yeah! Let's name him Chewie!" Before they both stated "STAR WARS ROCKS!" Danielle shook her head. "This was more pointless than usual........." Ryou shook his head as well "Yeah, no plot development at all, save we learned that Yami Malik hates cows stemming from some childhood accident and he and Angel Reaper apparently eloped somewhere along the line...." Heather sighed and shook her head pointing out a possibility "Probably Vegas...and when did you start speaking like a human being?" Ryou crossed his arms glaring at the brown haired insanity sprite "Since I can't curse you morons out at every whip-stitch." Before the cop now to be known as Chewie woke up and continued his former actions. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Heather snickered "Isn't he sooooo cute? I LOVE a man in uniform!" Before Chewie passed out again. Thus the RV speed onward into the sunset. 


	9. Warning don't let them into walmart!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Yeah so please don't sue me. I know this isn't the house of insanity story but I feel the strange need to bring Kurama and Hiei into this. The poor saps. ..wait a second...*Looks over in teh corner to see Hiei polishing his sword and Kurama wielding his rose whip an out of character menacing fashion.* eep..just forget that last part would you?  
  
Also..I just finished Order of the Phoenix all I have to say is Damn you J.K. Rowling you just had to kill him didn't you! *Sobs**Thwacks J.K. over the head with a stick. Is thrwacked over the head with stick by Hiei.*   
  
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Since having more than a dozen people in a RV is not conducive to anyone's state of mental health, and the entire premise of this chapter is based around my absolute desire to mock a certain store chain: TA-DA!  FLASH BANG and the RV lands worse-for-wear in the parking lot of---Dun dun dun---! WAL-MART!  
  
Heather looked at the said ultimately demonic store with a wide frown on her face. However Mokuba looked rather enthusastic as he continued to dance around speaking in a sing songy voice "Shopping! Shopping! We're going shopping!"  
  
With this they all tromped into the said store only find themselves face to face with teh people greeter of the store  
  
"Would you like a cart?" She said with a big phony smile made several of the intrepid group members want to commit murder yet again. This was settled as Yami sat said People greeter on fire a look of glee on his face. However the woman only spoke in the same monotone voice "Oh no.  I'm on fire." She said duly before her training kicked in. "The customer is always right.  Have a nice day." Hiei looked rather stunned at this "Damn! This place has possibilities!" Heather placed a hand on her chin playing the leader once again "Right—we split up and met back-----" However everyone was already gone leaving several dust clouds in there wake. Except for Mokuba who twirled about with an adorbable smile on his face. Heather frowned grabbing the black haired Kaiba's wrists and drgagging him after her "Mokuba! Come!  We hunt down the Devil Peep of Wal-Mart!" Mokuba only smiled merrily "Sugary goodness! Yay!"  
  
Meanwhile Yami Malik was strolling through the appliances. He looked around with a frown his eye twitching involuntarily. "Some things…..here…." Malik frowned at his other half "Why'd I get stuck with you?" However his Yami had already spotted a demonstration stand nearbye "Mildly interesting.  Let us investigate" He said grabbing his lights hand and wandering over to the said stand where Random Associate Bob wearing the traditional ungodly fake smile was demonstrating something. "Today we'll be demonstrating the George Foreman grill…" He then proceeded to grill a hamburger, Yami Malik was clutching his Hikari for dear life his eyes uncontrolably wide. Malik frowned cringing slightly "Stop touching me." He ordered. Yami Malik looked stunned "Look! Do you smell that!?" He was at this point drooling uncontrolably "Cowsss………" Malik could only feel incredibly disgusted at his Yami's behavior "Mommy! Mommy! Those two men are hugging!" Malik heard one random little by say as his mother tried to hush him up. "It's not polite to judge people by their alternative lifestyles Billy." Malik clinched his fists "Grrrrrr"  
  
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Meanwhile Ryou looked around positivly gleeful "SHOES!" He began chucking said shoes into a shopping cart. Danielle cringed After 5000 years shoe shopping was something you got tired of extremely fast. Ryou smiled widely as he looked tot he red haired insanity sprite "Hey……there's a exit door back here…." He winked several times nudging the girl repeatedly Her eyes widened at this. "Now you're talking!" She said before they both ran off.   
  
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Angel Reaper frowned slightly "Buffer…..needs buffer…." Hiei looked around desprately "Wax…needs wax….." He said waving his sword around as if to show something "Lost its shine…." Angel looked at the said buffer "Buffer won't help poor mini-van….need…NEW MINI-VAN!" Hiei looked slightly demonic at that moment. "blooooooooddddddddd….." This however caused Angel too look very afraid as she tore off towards ANY ailse AWAY from said demon.  
  
Elsewhere Bakura stood tossing things at random into a cart having lost his beer addiction he was no going with moutain dew as his drink of choice. "Lighter fluid, matches, paint thinner, Mountain Dew—" Enter Yami who dumped a cartload of hairspray into the said cart and ran off. "Bewehehehehe!" Bakura looked rather puzzled at this "Hairspray…? AMMO!  NEED AMMO!" He reminded himself before running to the sporting goods.  
  
The asociate at the counter seemed to be a rather menacing person if anything in Bakura's opinion. "I need to see your FOID card." Bakura looked rather puzzled before giving his best intemidating glare at said associate "What is this 'FOID' thing"  
  
"Fire Arm Ident---" This however was never finished as Yami sat said sales assosiate on fire before starting to raid the counter himself. Bakura then shrugged himself and ran around the store setting random people on fire. "No good…" He said before turning around and spotting a sales associate Whom Yami proceeded to light on fire "Weedog!  We eats tonight!" The associate did nothing still wearing a big fake smile while he was still burning "  Can I help you find anything?" Bakura looked rather angry at this "that was MY TURN!" He acused.   
  
"Ya can take muh pike….but you'll never take…MUH FFFRRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOMMMMM!" Pegasus said mimicking a scottish accent. Seto frowned at the grey haired CEO. "No more Braveheart for you." He said before continueing to toss books around. "Bah, not a single reference towards higher learning present." Kurama frowned at this statement "There's some Leapfrog books back in Toys…" Seto's eyes widened in joy at the news from the fox boy. Then proceeded to run off towards the toys leaving a very stunned Kurama. Pegasus's eyes widened slightly "buuuuurrrrrnnnnnsss…….."  
  
Tristan sat looking through binoculars in a very suspisious way. "One spotted…apparently alone…." Joey was painting red stripes on his face witha tube of red lipstick "Ready?" He asked looking to Yugi. "You SURE this will work?" asked Yugi looking around nervously. Joey nodded several times. They then snuck up on the unsuspectiong cashier Who sat there innocently reading a magazine. "Hmmm hmmm hmmm" Tristan held up what appeared to be a bright orange warning cone. "NOW!" Screamed Yugi before pouncing the cashier. Tristan then stabbed said cashier with a cone. "RAR!" Once the Cashier was apparently dead Joey ripped the cash register out and ran away. "Hey! Wait!" Yugi looked rather stunned at his best friend. Tristan stopped dancing in triumph "HEY!  MY MONEY!" Yugi paused "MY MONEY!" They both gace chase to the blonde.  
  
Mokuba paused and looked to Heather "We ready?" Heather was now wearing make shift combat gear and brandishing a very stylish bandana she nodded a wide smile on her face. "PEEP HUNTING!"  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
  


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